Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
