we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
