Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
