im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
