Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
