oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
