Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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