btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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