I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
