fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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