It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
