the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
