It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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