i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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