just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
