Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
