Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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