I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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