just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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