I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
