I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
your thong is hanging out like whoa
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize