You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
