i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
