So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
