I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
