so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
