Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
