i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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