I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
