Kiss
Puke
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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