I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
