My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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