Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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