I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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