what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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