I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
