Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
3 2 1 whiskey
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
