I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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