My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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