My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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