youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize