I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
