I looked at my own cervix.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
