I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
