dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Randomize
