I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
