nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize