he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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