How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
