who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
