You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
third nipple confirmed
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
