Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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