i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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