Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You took a bar mat shot.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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