All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
