feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize