I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
