the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
