Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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