I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
