Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
