You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
