I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
