we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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