beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
