her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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