The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
