You're my little dorito
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
