Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
