I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this boner is exhausting
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
