I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
