At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
