She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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