They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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