At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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