I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
operation have a gay friend backfired
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
