Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
