Me too!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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