My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
