Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
