It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Im part way to drunk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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