Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want nice things and good sex
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
