She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
