If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize