i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
