Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
