I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
