i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
